Cross-Cultural Friendships (Part 1)
“One sobering reality of being away from our home country is that we will always be the ‘different’ ones.”
Words cannot fully express how culturally challenging Halloween was for myself and some of my close Zimbabwean friends. Our Zimbabwean backgrounds were a little too superstitious for us to freely indulge in dressing up as witches and devils at our campus’s annual “Ghost Roast” party. We decided to host a “Goat Roast” instead. Our undergrad being in Arkansas, there was no shortage of goats so we called a farmer and got ourselves a live one.
The plan was flawless - the boys borrowed a pick-up truck to grab the goat in Little Rock while the girls spread the word to every corner of campus that we were going to slaughter and roast a goat behind Raney Hall this afternoon. Most of the Africans would have witnessed this at countless weddings, funerals, and miscellaneous parties over their lifetimes so this was no big deal. It wasn’t until my friend and I were sitting in the Dean’s office boasting about our Goat Roast that we learned the handful of problems with our plan. Apparently, it was illegal to kill an animal without a hunting license (yes, even if it was your OWN animal that you paid hard cash for). There were also food regulations restricting us from preparing raw meat for an event this large (I’m hazy on the details but you get the gist). Then there was the issue of how horrified our peers would be to witness this Goat Roast - especially those who for religious or animal rights activism reasons opted out of meat-eating. Luckily, the non-refundable goat got stuck in traffic, which allowed us a few extra hours to come to a compromise that did not involve breaking the law or upsetting half the student body. The following year, we dressed up as non-demonic halloween characters and partied with everyone else.
Why this story?
I think it illustrates several themes that are applicable to cross-cultural friendships.
You don’t know what you don’t know. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, but other times you’ll make a fool of yourself and just have to learn to correct yourself and move on. That’s okay.
We decided to host a “Goat Roast” instead
Most of the Africans would have witnessed this at countless weddings, funerals, and miscellaneous parties over their lifetimes so this was no big deal.
When in doubt, ASK. Just as there is no way for you to know all the laws and regulations you might bump up against in the U.S., there are also many social rules or ways things are said and done in American relationships that will take some time to learn. If you suspect you might be hitting on a cultural difference, don’t hesitate to acknowledge it (e.g., “Hey, I noticed that sometimes when I do/say blah blah blah people respond this way, but that doesn’t happen with my Zimbabwean friends. Is this somehow offensive in American culture?”). The obvious things in my culture are not the obvious things in your culture. Being more direct can reduce so many misunderstandings.
Embrace the adventure/process. If you’re anything like me, you will end up with a mix of experiences including humorous tales and embarrassing moments you’ll take to the grave.
Meet them halfway? One sobering reality of being away from our home country is that we will always be the “different” ones. Even if your whole country would agree with you, you may find yourself in situations where the things that are normal to you are suddenly culturally unacceptable. This leaves you with three options:
only hang out with people from your culture (if they are around);
have no friends (Don’t choose #2);
learn to adapt to cross-cultural friendships with Americans and with people from other cultures. I have found this to be both really challenging and really rewarding. You never know what you might enjoy and how it will grow and change you over time!
NICOLE CHIKUNGWA • ZIMBABWE
Nicole has lived in Arkansas and Tennessee and is now toiling for a PhD in Clinical Psychology in California. She is an avid reader, she knits recreationally, and she sings (mediocrely) for fun. Nicole is in her element during long conversations and extended periods of solitude, but she can party like the best of them if the occasion calls for it.
